A Redneck Love Poem: Collards is green

Author Unknown

Collards is green
My dog’s name is Blue
and I’m so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue’s
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass
which excite me in May.
You ain’t got no scales
but I luv you anyway.

Yo’re as satisfy’n as okry
jist a fry’n in the pan.
Yo’re as fragrant as “snuff”
right out of the can.

You have som’a yore teeth,
for which I am proud.
I hold my head high
when we’re in a crowd.

On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I’m in hawg heaven
and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo’re there for yore man,
to patch up life’s troubles
and fix what you can.

Yo’re as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin overhead,
You ain’t mean like those far ants
I found in my bed

Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
like a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gun rack,
my life is complete
Ain’t nuttin I lack.

Yo’re complexion’s perfection
like the best vinyl sidin,
despite all the years
yore age, it keep’s hidin’.

Me ‘n’ you’s like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank.
We go together
like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine’s Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart.
it’s romantic that way.

Some men git roses
on that special day.
from the cooler at Kroger
“That’s impressive” I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
“Diamonds are forever,”
they explain, suave and cooth.

But for this man, honey,
these won’t do
Cause yo’re too special,
you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor.
more useful than diamonds;
IT’S A NEW TROLLIN’ MOTOR!!

 

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